Another day has come and will soon descend into the black of night. They pass so quickly. It seems yesterday that I saw my GP and he ordered me to rest. More than a week on do I feel any better? Not especially. Apathy, lack of motivation, flat mood and endless tiredness still hunts me down.
On this Black Friday I ventured out into a town overwhelmed by dark threatening clouds. The crowds were out but less so than yesterday. Despite what it looked like I stayed dry and spent little. I couldn't find much I either wanted or I needed. Having sales a few days before pay day not always the best idea.
Back at home I have the joys of Eva Cassidy playing and am contemplative. Beka called earlier and she too urged me to take more time. I still have a few days but am very reluctant to extend my absence much longer. Even if I need it.
I still haven't dared do my mood diary for I know what it will look like. Wednesday seemed better but feels an aberration rather than a sign of recovery. Surely by now I should be shaking off the moribund exhaustion? Yet it persists.
So what to make of another weekend? It is my friend Jeny's birthday today and she has invited all The Hedgehog regulars. I will go for a short while but don't really feel in party mode. My friend Karen used to see me as a party animal back in those long lost days when I first moved to Hertfordshire. She had started at the University a few months before me. But she had grown up here so was integrated. I felt utterly lonely so escaped as often as I could to the many parties on offer. I don't get invited to many these days, getting too old for that.
I will leave you with but a single thought, in a month it will all be over and we face that long slow march of winter. Christmas will come and go, then on we go. I may come up for air at Easter after that.
I Heard a Voice.
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