When I saw my GP the Wednesday before last he asked me to leave my medication on the lower, going to work level, and see if in time I could right myself just by resting. Well I tried but things were so low yesterday I finally gave in and increased them. I slept well but as expected I feel pretty wiped out.
Realising that that route would take longer than the 2 days I have left off sick I went to the surgery with the intention of finding out when I can book an appointment to go back and see him a second time. He's booked out until Friday. So after midnight on Thursday evening I will once again be on the phone.
This is not the outcome I want or expected. It has never gone on this long since the advent of Risperidone in 2001. Lesson learned I suppose is that I need to trust my instinct and experience and increase it earlier. Dad and my friend Heather will both be pleased, each had urged me to take more time. Beka too. Question now is when will the guilt kick in? It has been less evident after getting signed off but I fear it will come back.
I did fill in my mood diary over the weekend. Almost all in the minus range. Yesterday not filled in yet, that was down to -3, the worst it has been in a long time.
We wave goodbye to November today. I will not look back at it with much relish.
I Heard a Voice.
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