Venturing Out in the Sun.

My mum was born and grew up in the Somerset town on Bridgwater. The area is often called the Somerset levels as much of the ground is below sea level and was drained by the Dutch in the 17th century. Bridgwater sits on a tidal river and given the level of the land around it is very prone to flooding. As I mentioned earlier there has been a lot of flooding in the south west and today the lead story on BBC was the floods and filming in Bridgwater. It reminded me of mum.

Thankfully despite the rain we are flood free here. Today the sun came out although it was cold. Dory took me out to lunch. I had barely left my flat for 48 hours. After a morning of coughing I felt somewhat better and we had a lovely afternoon. Cue guilt. That great bane of the depressive, feeling guilty. I said that to Dory and she told me I looked shit and needed at least another 2 weeks off. I doubt I can handle that but I know deep down I am not well enough to be there.

So tomorrow it is back to the Doctor. I lost so much of my life to mental illness and unemployment. I find it so hard to be away from work but sometimes it is necessary.

Back home I listen to Jules Massenet on the radio. I played Massenet for a violin exam once. It was one of few high level pieces I actually found easy. Yes I have grade 8 in the violin but I never found it easy. Looking back now if I had had teachers who praised me and made me feel confident maybe I would have got to that level at 15 or 16 rather than 18. They all seemed to forget that music is about playing musically not about being a technician. Thankfully just days before my exam which my teacher was convinced I would fail, my accompanist said quite simply "forget about the notes, for fuck sake play it musically"! After that it was a breeze.

Music is in the main part of my past now. Assuming I'm better then I am supposed to be singing in Cambridge in a few weeks. I don't miss it though. But my new found commitment to listening to more music and reading has paid dividends on my mental health. I'm just struggling to get above the even point on my scale. Today seeing Dory allowed me to reach +1. How great it is to have friends. Until next time.

I Heard a Voice.