My friend and mentor Heather Murray lost her husband Chris a couple of months after mum died. He had been ill for a long time and in a way it was a relief. That year of 2012 saw the deaths of 7 people I knew-that is too many. Some time later Heather told me that at some times in her life she talks to Chris and feels his presence even after his death. She suggested I do the same. This morning I really wanted to speak to mum. Of course I couldn't. There only being a silence bouncing back at me.
Saturday is day 4 of my mystery illness. I still feel bad but the symptoms are different each day. I can now swallow with ease and my chest is less restricted when I cough. But the coughing and sneezing has reached ludicrous levels. I also feel absolutely washed out. I needed a good night's sleep but it didn't come. This morning saw 5 cigarette butts in the ashtray each marking a nightmare I had. Why?
This illness is beginning to have an impact on me mentally. I can feel my mood slowly sinking. Do I raise the medication? I suspect all that would do would be to empty my mind of all thought and emotion. That is indeed an uncomfortable place to be. Leave it be for the time being I think.
And still the rain comes. I will not venture out until much later. But rather stay in the warm with my beloved Mozart and keep on with Rick Stein's "Under a Mackerel Sky". Dad gave it to me for Christmas and it has led me to temporarily cast aside the "Seven Pillars of Wisdom". I've long been a fan of Stein and am amazed at how candid his memoir is. He has faced some pain in his life.
So from my warm flat with the miserable day outside I wish you farewell until tomorrow.
I Heard a Voice.
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