It didn't take long before expectation and reality had a mighty collision back at the ranch. My last post was upbeat, I did something important. The challenge comes when there are multiple needs and only one of me. I was so exhausted after Thursday I nearly didn't go in yesterday. But I did.
All was okay until 3 pm when I got caught in an almighty row about who would deliver a bag of clothes to a student in hospital. I am supposed to be doing a phased return but it seems some people just assume I will do things as I'm in the building.
I do not know the outcome of the row but I do know I seethed all of last night and can't empty my mind this afternoon. My instinct is just to say fuck it and go back on sick leave. It has made me much more anxious about going in next week. I cannot be in more than one place at a time. An assumption that I will deal with the shit has gone on too long.
Inevitably those in charge want a review. But we cannot prepare for every eventuality. I am tired and no longer want to know. Deep down part of me wants to walk away from Mental Health. It will follow me of course, we cannot cure my illness but there is a breaking point. After yesterday I almost feel back at that point.
So how to rescue the weekend? I have food in to cook, pork for today and roast duck for tomorrow. The NFL playoffs start tonight and continue tomorrow. But tomorrow brings me a day closer to Monday and I want to avoid that at all costs.
I Heard a Voice.
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