They buried Izzi today. I do not know who "they" are never having met her partner, family or friends. It would have been a challenge to get to an unknown place for the service and who would want to see a stranger whose connection was linked the the darker side of her life? We were drawn together by madness and reflected that in each other. So much makes me think of her and I'm still struggling to acknowledge that she is really gone.
Us "crazies" as she called us stick together and mirror one another. The great challenge of working in my business coming from where I do is how do I react when I see myself reflected in those I treat? So many of us are in the business but we keep it secret. Well I don't but those who train are ordered to stay secret. Many a time with a mental health nursing student, or trainee social worker I have to ask how they will deal with it when they see themselves in the mirror? I was reminded of that by someone I saw earlier in the week. And on this day by Izzi.
Tomorrow we remember Trapper but once again I will do it from afar. For all his battles with MS that ultimately killed him he loved to party. And those that know him will party long and hard tomorrow in a hotel down in Sussex. I will be in London.
Well I will be if energy allows me. I survived a full week of limited days. The price I pay is not enough food, simply haven't been able to bring myself to cook. Tonight it was simply duck salad. I will do more hours next week, will I cope? It has been so long since my working life was normal I still fear a full on return. But it must happen at some point.
James left his job in our department today. I will miss him, he is a lot of fun. No doubt we will meet in The Horse and Groom at some point. I wonder if I will ever get my wish and move on? I've been saying that for nearly 4 years. Sadly life doesn't always go to plan. I must recall the living as well as the dead and march onward serenely or shakily one way or another.
I Heard a Voice.
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