For those of us who live in the south of England despite the incessant grey gloom of recent weeks we have been very lucky. Those in the north have been deluged by storm after storm and there is huge debate on the future of flood defences across the country. Today no one is lucky. It is truly vile out there with pouring rain and gusty winds. It has kept me indoors all day.
Well much of the day was spent sleeping. Still my big snooze goes on as the days tick by for that feared return. In reality I should be in Hertfordshire preparing for a return tomorrow. Instead I'm in Kent preparing for a funeral in the morning. Those deaths of friends recently have hit me harder than usual as I have been struggling so much day to day. That doubt, that lack of self belief, that questioning of all I believed has been plaguing me for months now. Is it possible to walk away? Of course not, I have to live.
My mind remains empty at times, that sense of nothing. At others I worry about the smallest thing. And time ticks by just as the rain falls outside in the dark
When I get home I must once again turn to my mood diary; it won't be very upbeat. Today is a nothing day, 0 or possibly -1. Maybe that will change by bed time. I must rise early tomorrow as the funeral service begins at 10 am. If I recall from previous Catholic services it can go on some time.
I Heard a Voice.
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