My battles with dreams have long been documented on here. In the main things have got much better since I gave up smoking but sometimes they come back. Nightmares are rare now but those mornings when I wake anxious are more prevalent. But the cruellest of all are those nights is when I dream that I can't sleep.
It was one of those nights just as I knew I had to wake up early for the first time in a while. The dream deceiver convinced me that I was tossing and turning unable to go under and so I woke exhausted. Given that the pre emptor of my recent downturn was a true night of tossing and turning and failing to sleep today did not start well.
I made it through the day despite. Yes I'm tired but nowhere near the level of Saturday. Nothing disastrous happened and I wasn't put under pressure. True I failed to cook once again but it wasn't a bad day.
Now I'm thinking of what will be tomorrow for it would have been mum's birthday. I always think of her on that day. Who wouldn't? I will be sad and I will reflect. Again the theme of the living and dead plays large in my mind. Death is part of life and if one can accept that it becomes easier. But when death is sudden and unexpected it is so hard to make sense of. It is true that mum died suddenly nearly 4 years ago. But given how poor her health had been in the last years of her life, coming to terms may have been made easier. And those of us left do the best we can every day. Some days we win, some we don't. But we all go on.
I Heard a Voice.
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