The last 2 days have been characterised by stormy downpours and grey incessant fine rain that makes one wet through fairly quickly. I have been quite lucky in dodging the rain but I have not dodged the cerebral downpour that is reflecting on my own failings as a practitioner. Custom dictates that I seek feedback for my work. I tend to do it in August when not much happens. I'd never really reflected on it until I used the data for my MSc. Much is glowing, some is not. The strange thing is I know exactly which way it will go for all of them if they bother to respond.
I have never been very good at dealing with my own fuck ups. My supervisor in my last job in Kent was very good at keeping me grounded, helping me not to beat myself up too much and to calm down when I met people who annoyed me. I think I need some of that grounding. I really need to calm my emotion and know that I have to work just as hard with those I do not warm to as I do to the others. Failing is part of the job.
But it is the weekend so I will try to set aside my own weakness. Tomorrow I meet my New Zealand friend Sarah. We were due to meet a couple of weeks ago but wet weather and me struggling mentally made for a postponement. So we're off to Chinatown. Was going to suggest the BP Portrait Exhibition after. Then on Monday I see Ros again. I'm so glad she came back into my life. She helped me fight the feeling I get when I'm low that no one really wants to see me. We both had our battles and we emerged in our 40s as different more reflective people. So here is to old friends on a day of self beating.
I Heard a Voice.
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