Over the past couple of days I have been reviewing some of my posts from 2012 on here. Before you start scurrying back it was a time of deaths including my mum, of an epic battle of equality versus inequality which did not go in my favour, of an award that wasn't won, of roast goose for Christmas, and a decision I made that never came to fruition.
So where am I 3 years on from that time? Well my decision taken almost exactly 3 years ago today to leave the University failed to materialise. I did try and continue to do so. Admittedly I took some time out from that decision to commit to do the MSc at the suggestion that change that would benefit me would come my way. Well the only bit that came true is I can now add MSc to my MA (Cantab) and PGCE. Nothing else has changed despite hints, suggestions, supportive words; in the end nothing changed.
It has been hard looking back on what might have been. Often plans do not work out. That has certainly been true for me during that time. So do I go in a different direction? If so which one? All paths I've taken have led nowhere except back to where I started.
At this stage of the year I'm running on empty. There are only 7 days to go. Then a break. A break to do nothing and everything. I really need to recharge, discover some energy and motivation to face what I know will happen come 28th September when it all kicks off again.
As for now I'm listening to Handel, supper is complete and I think some reading is in order. I'm really enjoying Lexi's book and it really is very good at explaining life with depression.
I Heard a Voice.
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