The rain has been pouring down all day. It is so cold I have put a jumper on. The smell of roasting collar of bacon and cloves pervades through my flat. And I'm listening to Alanis Morrisette's brilliant album Jagged Little Pill. Don't get mad get even, an afternoon of female angst. I'm not feeling any angst at all today.
On a Bank Holiday Monday which traditionally was set aside for the Day of Decadence I'm reflecting on how far I have come. As I caught the train to London yesterday I was filled with a mix of anticipation, anxiety and curiosity. 24 hours later after a glorious few hours with my old friend Ros my fears have dissipated. Both of us have seen the demons of mental illness and tragedy yet as we faced each other for the first time in nearly 20 years we both realised quite how far we have come.
As was pointed out to me last year at a conference recovery is a journey not a destination so we are not "there" yet nor will we ever get there. But we made it this far. Trials and tribulations will beset us both at times for years to come but we have to fight back. What is the alternative?
I know one day my madness will return but it will not longer destroy me. Too much of my life was spent succumbing to fate and not fighting back. Now I know something different.
So to Ros who is out there a long way away, thanks for a meeting of minds in the here and now not of our angst and despair ridden former years.
I Heard a Voice.
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