Belated Lamentations.

Sometimes it is good to wait a day or so after a tough one. Early yesterday morning I heard the tragic news of the suicide of Robin Williams just as it broke. As I tried to sleep I planned a post for when I got home. But it never happened.

It was a day when once again I realised quite how much is expected of me yet with no mandate of power vested in me. It was truly awful and I came away angry and demoralised. I concocted angry posts which I wisely did not put up.

A day later I recall what I say to all my ambitious health care students, and I have a lot of those, you cannot save the world. Did I fail? Maybe. But as I have said for a long time on here I am utterly flawed and only as good as the students I can help.

With Handel's Saul accompanying my evening and a light supper of Iberico Jamon, Manchego and grapes I will write my lamentations. I'm not a big film watcher. I have no interest in the cult of celebrity. I cannot define genius other than listening to Mozart and gazing at the wonders of Van Gogh. Yet I was deeply saddened to hear of the death of Mr Williams. He was one of the most gifted performers I ever saw on screen. While people rave about Mrs Doubtfire and Goodwill Hunting I recall Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, and the rarely mentioned The World According to Garp.

Until the news broke I knew nothing of his battles with addiction and depression. But now it all fits. In fact I would go further and suggest that there is a lot of evidence that he had bipolar for real rather than these sham charlatans amongst the stars who claim that diagnosis as a glorious badge of honour. Others too see it now.

The outpouring of grief seems curiously genuine. I hope this tragedy will bring out some good in the long battle we have to beat mental health stigma. The famous can do so much more than mere nobodies like me.

Back in my world I must rest, take stock and go once more into the fray on the morrow. That's all I can do. Until next time.

I Heard a Voice