Spirituality or Enlightenment?

Ever since I came to Hertfordshire in 2007 I have been meaning to support our chaplain Allan's weekly time for contemplation. I met Allan very early on. We share an interest in American football and many times he has asked me to come and coach with him. Every Tuesday in the multi Faith venue known as the Key Centre he holds a 15 minute slot for contemplation or worship.

I was brought up in a devout Christian family. The church was a huge part of my life. I sang for all those years and know the Christian music so well. I have a good knowledge of the bible although some I need to dredge up for classes 30 years ago. I do not know why I lost Faith. Perhaps it was never real. Perhaps I was too young. Perhaps it had been a means to an end. Mental illness destroyed all that was left of it. That illness led me to the edge of Buddhism. That said I do not regard Buddhism as religion.

At the age of 44 with all my experiences behind me I do not consider myself wise enough to know that there is a God. And beyond that which faith is right. Am I enlightened? No, not sure even the Buddha got there. But I can recognise spiritual experiences and acknowledge there are many things in the world I do not understand.

Time is always against me at work but today I found half an hour between meetings and for the first time in 6 1/2 managed to join Allan in his contemplations. He read the story of the Tranfiguration. I recalled it but only vaguely. Then he challenged those of us gathered, and there were only 6 of us, to recall a spiritual experience. No one spoke so Allan shared. As I reflect now I have had spiritual experiences but usually by osmosis when it proximity to those with Faith on particular days. Singing in the Duomo in Florence and the cathedral in Seville over Easter showed me that. Remembrance Sunday always does too.

So maybe there is hope for me. Who knows if 1 day I might return to Faith. Singing too perhaps? But not now. For now I struggle on in my own way and do the best I can on any given day.

I Heard a Voice.