Out of Touch.

Incessant rain has marked today. It has been pouring down since mid morning. In days gone by mum's anxiety about rain would have been foremost in her mind. She was a great gardener for both beauty and nourishment and always feared long periods without rain. I'm told this is the right sort of rain needed for gardens so that is good. Not so good is all the idiots on the road who decided despite the conditions to drive in a reckless manner. But I'm finished in the car now.

After several months absence I was at last able to go to a Council of Governors' meeting for HPFT. So much change that I struggled to keep up with it all. Trying to juggle that with the demands of full time work has been beyond me recently. I'm ashamed by that. I got into this business to help service users. Or as we call ourselves now experts by experience. Sounds a bit pompous that. Am I living up to what I set out to do? Probably not. So out of touch but when I was first elected back in 2013 I was not prepared for the deluge of e mails that come every day. Staying on top of it has been impossible at times.

I have considered resigning but not got to that point yet. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate what I want to achieve. I have long since resigned to the idea that I will never save the world. My expertise is limited and I am flawed. Sometimes it feels that I have betrayed what I set out to do. Am I too hard on myself? Ros would probably say yes.

The arrogant dreamer of those early days is long gone. At times I want to get out of the business all together. That would have seemed like heaven 18 months ago. But this year I have managed better so for the time being I do what I can.

Feeling under the weather has continued today. I think people suspect I should have stayed home this week. But I have made it in all week despite. Now I can retire to my kitchen to do stir fried chicken with black bean sauce and then on to opera night. Verdi I think today.

I Heard a Voice.