What is it with this academic year? None of us can remember such a sustained wave of suicidal, vulnerable, desperate students. Well not wave after wave as we are experiencing now.
I'm in a very mixed mood. Not mixed in a mental illness way but in a I did some good but not good enough today. Yes I helped some but others I failed. Failed maybe too strong a word, some things I feared happened but not as a result of me fucking up. More that the situation cannot be saved. I do not make decisions for students. They do and the course of their lived can and does shape the future. I take no pleasure in being right. When I was good today I was very good. The not so good moments were not necessarily me being bad.
Although my mood is mixed it is better than last night. I came home angry and became angrier. This prompted yet another trip out to eat as I was too angry to cook. But I assuaged my anger over the course of the evening.
There is but one day to go and it will be a busy one. I'm tired but getting there. Can we sustain this level through to May? God I hope we don't have to.
My mood diary remains undone. But when it is done it will look rather better than a few weeks ago. For now I was let happen what happens. I plan to watch Michael Wood on China at 9 pm. I heard him speak once at Waterstones in Canterbury about the Trojan War. He was an excellent speaker.
I Heard a Voice.
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