The early years of my illness were marred not only by suicidal lows but also by chronic insomnia. It is no coincidence that my anti depressant is also a powerful sedative. In more recent years when I have struggled I have slept for Europe. The Risperidone empties my mind and the sleep recharges me. Within a couple of weeks I am back to normal.
Now two days into my latest setback my sleep is impaired again. It was sporadic to say the least last night as I found myself over processing my decision to stay off work for a few days even if it makes me feel even more of a fraud. Waking at 6.30 am I cancelled once again with a curiously elegant text-that was constructed when allegedly asleep.
I feel nothing now. Only nothing. I do not want to talk to anyone but I know I must. I have the dreaded trip to the dentist this afternoon so anxiety is rising by the minute. Will I be okay for Thursday? Sometimes being alone and the loneliness that entails is all I can cope with. Come on Risperidone, do your magic.
The plan to travel down tomorrow is still intact. Question is what reading material do I take? I have chosen Lexi's book and some more Hemingway. Worthy books are back on the menu.
I Heard a Voice.
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