The rain is over and gone. The greyness and clouds remain outside. Gloom resides in my part of Hertfordshire. The gloom of my mood remains too. After yesterday's nose dive I find myself verging on -3 on the scale. Not been this bad since before Christmas. I decided around 6 am that I would stay home today.
Not much has been achieved and there has been no perceivable shift in my mood. That extraordinary sense of nothing and fraudulence has enveloped me. To try to pass a couple of hours I have put the Messiah on. May have a go at some reading after this.
I have very little time to be depressed. Laura's wedding is on Thursday and I suppose I need to be upbeat for that. At a wedding some years ago the psychosis switch shifted and I was left stranded without any medication. Ever since I have always carried 3 mg of Risperidone around with me at all times.
My dose was increased last night now it is time to sit tight and wait. It will change. It is just a question of how long. Then maybe I can face the world again. I certainly don't want to face it today. So I will stick to Handel and wait. When will the sun come back? Soon I hope.
I Heard a Voice.
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