Signing off for a While.

This is likely my final post before I move. The flat is warm, Puccini is on the radio, I'm surrounded by bags and boxes and the air is tinged with memories. Have I really been in this somewhat cursed flat for the last nine years? I'm nearly all packed. The flat passed the inspection and nothing stands in the way with the move but a contract, a large sum of money and my army of kind helpers.

I will not be back in the land of cyber frivolity until Tuesday at the earliest. That's assuming I don't have some mad desire to write again tonight. When we next speak I suspect I will still be surrounded by bags and boxes, I will again be alone and wondering what next in this roller coaster that has been my life for the last few weeks.

Do I have regrets about decisions I have made both recently and in the past? I've certainly made a lot of mistakes and by doing so have contributed to my underlying unhappiness. The wondrous effects of Risperidone when I first took it way back have dimmed. I do not know what will happen next and my mood is not shifting. As many have pointed out under my recent circumstances who wouldn't experience mental turbulence? I did not ask for this course of events to transpire and it is once again proof that there is much in life that we do not control.

All my devastating worries since dad was ill have come to nothing. Each a perception blown out of the water by reality. Will I ever rid myself of this plague? Still I await my call from HPFT. I do not really want to push. Why should I have special treatment because of who I am and what I do? But I'm nervous about what might be the suggestion when they do call.

My intention is to go back to the GP next week. The pressure of the move will ease but will it be replaced by turning my life once again to work? I do have to go back at some point. A colleague kindly text this afternoon to inquire how I am. Good to hear from her but wish my news was more optimistic.

And so once again I leave you. I promise to be back soon when this flat will be history and my new turn in life will be under way.

I Heard a Voice.