It's so gloomy today I have the lights on in my flat at 2.15 pm. After the upbeat mini heat wave recently we have now returned to type. They tell me it will rain for the next six days.
Indoors away from it all I'm listening to Britten and reflecting on an odd week. Not sure why but many of my friends are struggling with illness at the moment. If not ill themselves then their children. It is a reminder that life can be fickle and cruel. Having spent so many months struggling myself I'm saddened that the ill luck has struck so many of my friends as well.
I'm not really sure what to do today. Having been doing okay I woke this morning completely lacking in motivation and tired. Probably shouldn't have stayed up so late the last couple of nights watching the NFL draft unfold. My Rams have had little to do during the first two days having traded all but a 3rd round pick during that timescale. More watching tonight I guess.
With the NFL draft already upon us I'm wondering what has happened to this year. Not quite what I expected especially after being more optimistic around my mental health during the autumn. My illness refuses to die even all these years later.
I have been doing a lot of thinking since my appointment on Monday. I didn't feel very good about myself and continue to doubt that I have made any progress at all. Is it a return of what I felt years ago? Will I get anything from it? Can I connect enough to have confidence? That will play out in the fullness of time and I'm not ready to give up just yet.
My next appointment comes on Wednesday. By misfortune or ill luck the Occupational Health appointment I've just been offered clashes with it. I did call yesterday to ask to reschedule but thus far no news back.
Miriam is down visiting dad these weekend. Hoping the rain holds off for them but it is looking unlikely. I suppose now I ought to do something useful, maybe that will lift the spirits on this dull day.
I Heard a Voice.
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