This equivalent Saturday a year ago should have been just another Saturday on the road back from a bad relapse. Utterly burned out I had spent several weeks at home medicationed out and desperately trying to work out what to do next. The emptiness of maxed up Risperidone had passed replaced by that exhaustion that has so marked bad times of recent years.
That day I went into town to shop as I do most Saturdays. I don't recall what I bought other than Singapore noodles with Yang in the Fu Hao. As I was wont to do I text my blogging friend Izzi. The last time I had seen her was in there. A silence followed.
Unbeknown to me Izzi was dead. I didn't find out until the following day when her boyfriend posted on her Facebook page that she had had a sudden cardiac arrest and died aged 32.
A year on I'm still trying to make sense of this loss. She was my third friend to die in but a few weeks. One was expected but the other two certainly were not. I guess I will never find an answer to how fate can be so cruel to some and so kind to others.
On this Saturday where the fog has refused to dissipate I am once again preparing for Christmas. I shopped. I had lunch in The Crooked Chimney at Lemsford. I have done the washing. And I will cook a lamb stew shortly. We move on but the memories linger. Thinking of you Izzi.
I Heard a Voice.
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