Ever get those days when your rage is so great your mind is on fire? Blazing emotion and fiery anger is not a good combination and certainly not for making statements on here that may one day come back to haunt me. The art is learning to walk away and fight another day.
That fire was burning out of control when I came home yesterday and robbed me of precious sleep. Naked fury at once again being expected to create a miracle yet at the same not accept and to challenge the lies I was being told. I never came into this business to have power over people. And still I have no power. And that is fine as long the responsibility is not overwhelming. Yet in my job it often is. The anger comes when I'm in an impossible situation that I can do nothing about.
A day later and having calmly seen my GP-not seen him for a year-I'm home, calm, warm and reflective. There are better things to think about than liars.
On this date in 2011 we held the launch of A Pillar of Impotence in Kent. As fate would bequeath I only saw mum twice more before she died. On that day she smiled in a way I had rarely seen and put aside her anguish. It was that night that I healed the years old rift between us. Who would have thought a book that some regard as angry, some as gentle but all as a life changing experience could have done that. I'm glad I made peace with mum before she died.
After work I will head back down that way to Kent. It will be my first visit since July. See dad, old friends and my cousin Cedric and his partner Barbara. It will mark the half way point in this term. And despite yesterday I'm still standing, managing and occasionally thriving. And that is some achievement given where I was a year ago.
I Heard a Voice.
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