It is a warm but overcast Saturday afternoon in Hertfordshire. The humidity has returned so all my windows are open just to get some air. I just made Pimm's. Handel's Rodelinda accompanies my afternoon musings. Some chuck steak is dusted with turmeric, it will soon be under way with a Vietnamese curry along with lemongrass and basil. And I am anxious.
All day that lingering fear of what will happen if the plan to which I cryptically eluded a couple of days ago pays off. It will lead I know to more anxiety. Why am I worried when nothing has gone beyond stage 1? More may be known next week. But that knot and fear that mum knew so well is already upon me.
Part of this is also fear of the mid week turbulence. I fear that the damage may be irrevocable after Tuesday even if some at least have backed me. I don't like animosity but sometimes it comes to me. A word that was glossed over that day was inequality. And therein lies the problem. So either something changes or I change. I have more faith in the latter. More may be revealed by mid week.
Tomorrow I plan once again to attend the Church of St Francis of Assisi for their monthly choral evensong. So I will go out at lunch, I have a table booked at The Waggoners for 1.15, rare roast beef I suspect.
I Heard a Voice.
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