Slowly, very slowly I think I am getting there. I seem through the worst of it. Now it is just low mood and complete apathy that I'm having to contend with. I think it is what some shrinks refer to as dysthymia. Many years ago whilst utterly psychotic, depressed and suicidal some fool of a junior Doctor diagnosed me with that. What a fuckwit! It would take another 9 months until I found someone who really knew what she was talking about.
She was called Heather and I will for ever be in her debt for giving me the Holy Grail of risperidone. The rest was of course supposed to be history. But life has a habit of being unpredictable and so I find myself fighting my way out of my third major relapse since 2001. That is not bad going considering what I have even if Heather left before she could give it a real name.
I find myself vaguely thinking I should go back to work next week but have no motivation to do so. I called my friend in Occupational Health today and she will see me on Monday. Perhaps then I can make a better decision.
In the mean time I try to plug away at the new book. It is coming on, I'm up to 70,000 words now. I did think it would be about 80,000 but I now think it will be a little longer than that. I wonder if anyone will want to read it though.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I do know that I'm supposed to be going to Cambridge on Saturday to sing. I think I will leave that decision until the actual day.
Bye for now.
I Heard a Voice.
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