Yesterday I went hunting ghosts. Still uncertain if I would go to Cambridge yesterday I took the plunge and went. It was a very strange day. I expected to see some of the ghosts from my past but not that many. Some were good, some not so.
But it was the man from my past who made the most impact. Gone was the giant of man with terrifying power. Rather there was a slimmed down shadow of his former self. He did retain his energy and drive but without apparently the raging retribution of 30 years.
Did it help me with my demons? Not really. It was just another day in this long journey through an insane and sometimes sane world that is my life.
I paid the price today-slept for hours. My mood feels nothing, neither good nor bad. But I can think now unlike 10 days ago. I'm still on much higher doses of medication but will need to think about reducing it if I go back to work tomorrow. I still have no motivation to do so-my heart is no longer in it. Yet I must make that decision.
After roast ham I will have a think. Do I have the energy to do so? I don't yet know.
I Heard a Voice.
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