For a fleeting moment this morning my mind went into free fall and I was frozen in that anxiety that says "I can't do this anymore". It occurred just as my alarm went off. I had slept for more than 8 hours with a brief wake up around 6.45 am. As I lay there thinking the worst, I couldn't move and fought the desire to roll over and bury myself in a mound of duvets and pillows and shut the world out. I do not know why it happened today. Some time has passed since I was last like that.
I had to fight hard to come back from that. There seemed little rhyme or reason to do anything today but we cannot just run. True I could have called in and said my anxiety is too great. But I have been determined since the summer not to succumb to such urges.
When I finally faced the world and went in it was okay. Tiring but okay. Late in the day I was forced into one of those others are panicking but I must make a judgement. I hope I came to the right decision.
Having escaped I had a rare venture into red meat since my spurious attempts at healthier living with beef stir fried with black beans. Turned out well in a way although I think I cooked the beef a shade too long making it slightly tough. Good flavour though. After that my Stein fix, the Food channel is celebrating his 70th birthday and the BBC is repeating his most recent series. I might open a beer in a bit, strictly limiting that now. Maybe I will lose weight. Maybe not. Worth a try I suppose.
Thursday will be with us soon and once again I will remember my mum on what would have been her 85th birthday. It is always a strange day. Might talk to you all again then.
I Heard a Voice
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