On a surprisingly warm Sunday afternoon I have turned to Beethoven to get me through the hours until I cook. I'm feeling a little washed out after my exertions on Friday. It is a timely reminder that after several months of relative inactivity I will need to pace myself when I start my phased return at work.
I had vaguely thought to invite friends round for roast beef today. But I feel like being on my own today. I need to collect my thoughts for tomorrow's reckoning. Coming to terms with just how long I have been way is hard at times. I've travelled. I've read. I've listened to music. I have seen people. I have shied away from people. I've been terrified. And I've moved house.
Given all that why do I have no sense of achieving anything? The adage that on the bad days it is hard even to get out of bed holds sway but more for others. I'm always forgiving and try to be supportive with the travails of others. But not myself. Ros I need you for that reassuring be kind to yourself phrase that always sounds so much better coming from you than it does from me. I'm never very forgiving of myself. As Harvey very wonderfully pointed out a few weeks ago we need to forgive ourselves for what we do wrong. And I've done plenty wrong both in the near and distant past.
So as I stand on the cusp of going back to my interrupted career where do I see myself? That I suppose is a question for therapists wiser than me. I need to make my own destiny sometimes. And sometimes it is made for me. Seize what is and let go of what isn't.
Out there on cyber-world where you so graciously follow and read my musings I hope you have enjoyed the weekend. If you're in the UK remember there is another Bank Holiday coming soon. Soon too summer will be here. And who knows what that will bring?
I Heard a Voice.
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