There is something quite liberating about getting out having been stuck indoors for a while. Despite the incessant rain on this wet Wednesday I was mightily pleased to escape my flat. The reason for going stir crazy other than the recent mental lapse I've had was that the boiler was being installed. Having got up on Friday for a survey, Monday for installation and Tuesday to finish it off plus the anxiety about what was to come at the weekend I was pleased to sleep and get out once I'd woken.
In all honesty it is vile out there. The rain has eased a little after the deluge of earlier. I'm now back at the flat in the warm, consistent warm, and listening to Choral Evensong on the radio.
Where this all leaves me in the grand scheme of recovery I'm not sure. I'm still taking things a day at a time and not risking rushing ahead of myself. I lowered my medication to the usual level the last two days and have not been overwhelmed. I'm buoyed slightly by the recent installation but I'm trying very hard not to overthink what is to come. As the days tick by I anticipate my anxiety will rise again.
What will await me when I go back? I don't really know but I have no doubt when I do return my guilt could once again come to attack me. Obliquely hiding in the recesses of my mind is that worry about how my immediate colleagues are managing without me. Not because I'm fantastic but more because of the volume of students coming through needing help. I doubt that has lessened in the time I have been away.
Those are hopefully thoughts for another day. And so on this wet Wednesday I leave you all to complete another day. The weekend will soon be upon us and we move a step closer to whatever is our individual destiny.
I Heard a Voice.
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