As Only We Can.

Not long after I had consumed a fine rare steak and I had just poured my second glass of Chianti the phone rang. Shortly earlier I have left a message for Jayne and anticipated it would be her returning my call. But it wasn't. Rather for the first time in a couple of years I heard the voice of my old friend Zoe. We go way back into the truly dark days of our mutual madness.

Yes Zoe and I met under the orbit of mental health services and as I did with so many made a bond that only the mad can understand. Yes we have our own language, our own perception, our own sense of loss and a fiery, intense relationship with people that can only know themselves.

What is the greatest qualification to work in my world? Many would say lived experience. That seems to be the term of the moment currently. It is true I'm held back a lot of the time not being in the "right" club. How many jobs have I lost out to because my background is from the wrong side of the fence? Will I ever join the other club? Probably not for both financial and ethical reasons. My judges are my students not anyone else. Given how widely known my name is in mental health circles around here I must be doing some good. Introduced the week before last as "the" Mark Edgar I hope that is for good reasons not bad. But I think I'm respected in many quarters. I just don't believe the hype. But my allegiance will forever be to my people however hard that can be sometimes.

A day after the voice from the past a warm sunny day is out of the window, I have the Messiah on and I'm trying to blot out thoughts of tomorrow. By rights I should be looking forward to Evensong and a half day where I will see Rebecca and possibly dad. But it is what comes before that I'm trying to avoid.

What I must hold onto more is that term is nearly over. It has been another marathon. Must try to book a week off tomorrow, fancy that break over Easter. Maybe my travels may take me to St Alban's, to Cambridge and to London. It is something to look forward to.

I Heard a Voice.