An Academic Pinnacle?

On this day I dressed in finery. On this day I lunched in splendour. On this day I processed. On this day the traffic stood still for me. On this day I entered an ancient seat of power. On this day I emerged into the sunlight. On this day I fled in terror. On this day my demons won.

A quarter of a century has now passed since that day on which I graduated from Cambridge. The end of a moderately successful but ultimately underachieving academic career. And into the bleak darkness of total mental breakdown. It was the day I had my first panic attack. Passing the empty void of failure and unnamed mental illness I subsided in 5 weeks to a mental asylum and drowned in years of madness.

As I look back on a dull evening where there is not much to report I am tired and achieved little. My mind was so foggy when I woke up I almost gave up and didn't go in. I had to cancel a meeting and then I came home.

Reflections can still take me down dark paths. Out of sorts my mind could so easily wander. The chicken vindaloo I cooked did not stay the wandering or wondering. It was poor. My selected opera is dull, I think I will replace it with something else.

And what of the morrow? It seems like an awfully long week already. I face a 3 1/2 hour meeting on a subject I know nothing about. Being on safer ground is enticing but then again so is the cloak of sleep.

Go away world for at least a few hours. I'll let you know when I wake up.

I Heard a Voice.