A View From Nowhere.

During the academic year 1998/99 I taught myself A Level Philosophy. A task I set myself as a pre cursor to my return to Cambridge it was very hard going indeed and I didn't do very well. Remember that that was in the days prior to Risperidone so I was more prone to relapses back then. A set text I had to read was Thomas Nagel's A View From Nowhere. An exceedingly hard book to understand I made a tactical decision not to answer a question on Nagel in the exam.

As I struggled to wake up this morning in my heavily medicated state that phrase seemed so apt. It was so late I didn't make it to work. I'm not in a fit state anyway. The Risperdione has emptied my mind. I have no thought or feeling. Just a lost emptiness. A view from nowhere. Where am I? I have lost a semblance of a compass.

Desolate as that feels I recall from last time that that is part of the recovery process. When I first took Rsiperidone all those years ago it sent me on the most splendid high for months. Now it slows me down, dampens that feeling of being overwhelmed by a tidal wave of chaos, and allows me to get back on an even keel.

I will take that time and will aim to see my Doctor tomorrow. Maybe he signs me off maybe he doesn't. I have arrested the precipitous fall and am hanging on. Let us hope I start climbing soon.

In the meantime despite not being at work I'm making work calls and e mails. The world doesn't stop as I'm ill and having unique job there is no one else to pick it up. The best I can do is brief those I can rely on and ask them to hold the fort until I'm back.

Now an afternoon of The Magic Flute will be my guide. I'm too tired to even read my book.

I Heard a Voice.