A Final Escape.

With the exception of going to work I have not left home for 9 days. Today the big thaw finally started and I was able to escape Knightsfield to get into town. Looking at the emptiness of my fridge I needed it. So off to Waitrose I went. There is a small Co op by my flat but it is expensive and limited so can really only be used in the short term.

Now back home with fridge replenished I'm trying to work out what to do this afternoon. Perhaps some Hadyn and a book-I don't do that nearly enough. It proved to be a long if short week at work. I never caught up as planned -there were simply too many other things to do. I got in my office at 7.30 am yesterday and didn't get home until 5.30 pm. Still asking myself why I do this? I wonder.

Tomorrow my friend Katherine will visit. She was supposed to come last week but the weather ended that plan. I fear a lazy day in the warm after consuming what I hope will be some excellent belly pork; yes that old favourite.

Not sure where my mood is today, neither good nor bad. What has happened today is a return of the shakiness I have experienced on and off since I got ill in 1990-couldn't get my lenses in. Funny thing is the moment I think of it my hands shake. If I don't think they don't. It is so strange living with mental illness!

I Heard a Voice.

Everyone Wants a Piece of Me!

Do you ever get those days when everyone wants you to do something for them and it must be done now? One of the great challenges of having a unique job in a large university is that sometimes everyone thinks I can prioritise them now. Today was one such day.

Since returning from my ice bound oblivion that kept me home for 5 days various meetings have kept me out of office in the main. We were moved off campus just over 18 months ago. The plus side is the wonderful lake by us which was marvellous in its savage beauty today iced over and surrounded by snow.

I got back to my office at 3 pm expecting to make 2 phone calls and to see a student. But it wasn't to be. The student didn't make it and I spent all afternoon on the phone or being updated about all the calls that came in during my absence. Tomorrow's plan is out the window already. I have 5 more important things to prioritise now. When will I ever catch up? I'll let you know if and when I do.

Yet I'm home now and trying to switch off. On a nice note I have sold a few copies of my books in the last week. Being an unknown I have to celebrate each little triumph of a sale-there have been 7 triumphs this week. Talking of which I forgot to put the Amazon link up for Charon's Ferry:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Charons-Ferry-ebook/dp/B00AR2V0GO/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_1_S6WG  

For reasons I don't understand I can never guarantee on here that links will come out, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. If it doesn't work just copy and paste if you want to have a look or even better buy a copy!!! If you do look you will see the lovely review my dad did. Of course he is biased but he did seem genuinely moved and impressed by it.

Time to eat, heading for Hakalok. Not been there much since Joey went home but I fancy some noodles rather than reheating the Shepherd's pie I made that is in the fridge.

No idea what time I will get home tomorrow, have to do a home visit at 3.30 pm, it always happens on a Friday!

Fog Bound.

It is now 5 days since the snow came down in abundance. Saturday looked promising to get out of here but all was forlorn when it snowed for 14 hours on Sunday. I have been stuck here ever since. It didn't look hopeful when the roads froze late last night. Today I awoke to the addition of freezing fog; there was no way I was going out in that.

I have just been out to look around and it is looking a little better. If the freeze is not too bad tonight I'm hoping to make it tomorrow. Fed up of being here. Thank God I shopped on Thursday. Of course life has not stopped in my absence and I have had a steady stream of e mail and phone traffic to manage since Friday. May get back to reality tomorrow.

In what passes for my reality I have been approached about taking part in a radio recording on voice hearing. Not sure if it will be broadcast but I have agreed to take part. I will be guarded though. It has been a long time since I heard either of my voices-long may that last.

My dad wrote a lovely review of "Charon's Ferry" on www.amazon.co.uk ; it continues to sell in very modest numbers. So indeed does "A Pillar of Impotence" even 3 years after its release in ebook form. Publisher still hasn't made the site adjustments I asked for but perhaps they too are caught up in the cold snap.

I Heard a Voice.

Indoors with Tosca.

Another Sunday, another roast dinner, and another opera. This time it is Tosca, a change from Mozart I am equally enamoured with Puccini. Once again the snow is falling outside. Can't see the road and barely a creature is moving. I'm supposed to go to a conference tomorrow but somehow I doubt that will happen.

Unlike many others I have no desire to go out in the snow. I plan to stay warm and read. Shame it came down this weekend though as my friend Katherine had planned to visit. We have put it off whilst tentatively re-scheduling for next Sunday.

Lamb is on the menu today. As is my wont I will slow roast it for about 4 hours then serve with roast potatoes, carrots, beans, cabbage, and mint jelly. Hope it comes out well.

I Heard a Voice.

Happy Birthday!

Today would have been my mum's 81st birthday. It feels strange. Less than a year after she died I'm still not sure what I feel. I have gone beyond the 1 day at a time syndrome. It feels fluid but at times empty. Miriam had planned to go and see dad this weekend. He had planned to go to the crematorium but the weather has put paid to both plans.

As you may recall from yesterday's posts it was not a good day. I was left with racing thoughts and further disillusionment. I just wanted to walk out. Yet life is more complex than that; we cannot run from ourselves. I spoke at some length to my old friend and mentor Heather last night. She lost her husband last year too. She speaks to Chris and feels his presence. Perhaps I should do that with mum.

I slept the sleep of the dead last night. God did I need it. My lack of sleep has been going on for months. Sleeping until lunch time may not be normal for most but it is what I need when I'm not working. If I don't catch up the psychosis switch has a nasty habit of activating. Today I feel okay; just okay. I just ventured out into the snow filled outside. Conditions are better than I feared; had it been a work day I would have made it in. Tomorrow we are expecting another downpour.

Tonight I am doing Vietnamese ginger and honey chicken. I think Vietnamese food with its light, clean lines and preponderance of fresh herbs is my most favoured food. Should cook it more often. Before then I will listen to Puccini and wind down until tea time-Earl Grey I think today.

I Heard a Voice.

Still Snowing.

It has now been snowing here for 10 hours solidly. Only brave souls are on the road. As I mentioned in my earlier post I didn't risk going in. The decision was vindicated when a power cut to my office shut everything down at midday. Karen got home okay as did 2 others colleagues who contacted me. So why do I feel guilty? Well the phone has been going off all afternoon. I was trying to manage 4 way phone calls from my office, from Essex, from Stevenage, and desperately trying to get hold of other colleagues. The reason a potential missing person. I finally managed to get hold of his housemate at 4 pm to find he was indeed at home. Panic potentially over. But what next? By all accounts he remains ill and at risk. The question is where does the buck stop? I'm not sure of the answer to this. I guess we will work that out when we get back.

The university apparently remains open so maybe I should have gone in. I wonder if I will be slated for that? Time will tell I suppose.

So now a cold snowy weekend. I have a dish of potatoes, lamb, tomatoes, garlic, parsley and pecorino in the oven. It does smell good. I will review life in the morning, but my mind remains troubled.

I Heard a Voice.

Going Nowhere.

Here in the UK we have been bracing ourselves for heavy snow. We don't manage very well when it snows and I went to bed last night wondering what time I would need to leave work to get home safely. In the end I never made it at all. I woke up late-medication can be a bugger sometimes-looked out and all was clear. Bolting down a cup of coffee I decided to leave my lenses out today so I got there not too late. In the time I was in the bathroom the anticipated snow started and within 5 minutes the car park was covered. Rightly or wrongly I was not going to risk getting stuck or crashing my car. Hence the fact I'm stuck indoors. We are expecting it to be like this for the next 24 hours. I suspect it is only a matter of hours before they close the university. I do hope my friend Karen manages to get home on the bus.

Question is now what to do? I'm avidly watching the news to see how bad it gets. I'm trying to stay warm and contemplating an unexpected lunch of bacon and eggs. I planned ahead and my fridge is loaded with food. My friend Katherine, yes she of the book proofing fame, had planned to visit on Sunday for roast lamb. I very much doubt that will happen.

My mind is calm for now, a good thing after the tumult of recent months. But who knows what will happen next? I'm still nowhere near where I want to be. Will I regain my manic energy and drive? Sadly that has been missing for a long time. But I take heart from the fact that I have not been below -1 on my scale for some time.

I expect I will blog a fair bit in the next few days-not much else to do.

I Heard a Voice.

A Snowy Tuesday.

Well, the snow came. Not a huge amount but alarming driving home yesterday and almost lost the back end of my car near my flat. It is very hilly where I live so when the snow comes it is hard to get to the cleared main roads. They never grit down here.

You may notice that is unusual for me to blog on a Tuesday. There are 2 reasons for this. Firstly I'm usually out at the pub quiz. Secondly I'm often not in a good mood-too much self pity in the afternoon. That may sound cryptic but it is all I dare say on here.

Tonight I stayed in as my quiz friends could not make it. Actually nice to be in the warm on such a cold day. I'm watching the Food Channel and unusually for me watching Jamie Oliver. My mum fell in love with him the first time she saw his programme the Naked Chef. That was great but I have found him up and down since then. I have select books including his one on city breaks-it's very good. His trip to Andalusia is on at the moment. I love southern Spain but have not been since 2004. Even then it wasn't real Spain, Porto Banus maybe where the rich and famous hang out but have you ever tried to find real Spanish food there? If I wanted pasta I would go back to Florence.

Talking of pasta, my carbonara was almost a triumph. Just need to make one adjustment next time I do it. I will use the rest of the pecorino in Rick Stein's Easter lamb on Saturday. Perhaps I should invite a friend.

My mood is okay but nowhere near where I like it to be. But okay is better than low so I can live with that. For now, I'm off. See you all next time.

I Heard a Voice.

A Double Century.

Welcome to the 200th post of the Voices Did My Head In blog. Can't believe I have written so much since I started. I guess some people must enjoy my writing as the viewing figures are quite buoyant at the moment. It is bitterly cold out with grey skies. No sign yet of the expected snow. No doubt we will grind to a standstill when it arrives, we in England always do. Given the steep hill that I have to climb outside my flat to get to town or work I may be stuck for a while if it comes down heavily.

Well I have survived week 1 back at work. It was a mixed week but okay. The highlight was going to Cambridge on Tuesday. Theoretically that is always a joy but this time I was only looking forward to part of it. I was there for a meeting which last year had been hosted at our place. I hated that day. But this day was both interesting and more fun. Although I was somewhat cryptic on here about it I had an interview for a new job last November. Not good practice to not even bother to contact failed interviewees; yes, that is right, I never heard a word from them. But on Tuesday I met one of the women who had been involved on the day and was somewhat surprised what she had to say. She was in on 2 of the 4 tasks I was asked to undertake. According to her I was by far the best candidate. Sadly she had no input on the decision. So instead of hiring the best candidate they went for an internal political appointment. I have been there before though. So the search goes on.

I'm now at home trying to warm up and listening to Mendelssohn's Elias. It is not a work I knew but am impressed so far. I'm keeping the cooking simple this weekend. Spaghetti carbonara tonight, bought some pecorino cheese for that, and roasted chicken thighs tomorrow. Might do them in goose fat.

Other than that it is NFL divisional playoff round so lots of football to watch. As it is scheduled late I will probably only see one match live then record the other 3. Then it is just relax.

Have a great weekend.

I Heard a Voice.

PS Many thanks to the great Jayne Curry for the excellent company in Sala Thong in Cambridge-the crispy belly pork with chill, basil, and oyster sauce was spectactular

And By Way of a Change.

Today is on the face of it another Sunday. Different to others? It is still dull out. I have to return to work tomorrow. I ate roast pork. Spot any differences there to the countless other posts I have made of quiet Sundays? The more observant of you will notice a difference; there is no mention of Mozart.

I fancied a change so am diving into the box set of Haydn that was one of the many presents I came galumphing back to Hertfordshire with after Christmas. And very good it is too. I need to relax, I'm certain chaos will return to my life after I have been to the dentist tomorrow morning. I don't like the dentist but it has to be done.

But the food theme continues apace on this day of rest. My friend Jazz is coming to dinner tomorrow so I have to get going on a curry paste. That is always good fun; if you don't have one invest in a mortar and pestle. Better exercise than the gym. Must go now as I forgot to buy garlic. More soon.

I Heard a Voice.

PS I broke through the 6000 hits barrier last night.

The End is Nigh!

Greetings and welcome to 2013. I hope you all had a Happy New Year? It is a quiet Saturday afternoon in gloomy but comparatively warm Hertfordshire. I have been shopping, did the recycling, did the bins, and have yet to tidy up. On the hob the stock pot bubbles quietly as I make what I hope will be an excellent chicken stock. All is quiet.

A quiet end to my long holiday-the end if nigh. On  Monday I return to the madness of my working life. This 3 weeks has gone quickly-it always does. Yet as I stand on the cusp of another term I am no more motivated or manic than I was back in September-I go back to no change. Let's hope 2103 is more kind to me than 2012 was.

As I planned I have cooked a lot. I got away to Kent, to St Albans and yesterday to Hitchin to see the incomparable Dory. That was a good day. So as time ticks away I will try to make the most of it. Tonight I will stir fry some beef with a fiery sauce. Tomorrow I will finish my extremely fiery Cambodian noodles I had earlier in the week then slow cook shoulder of pork. And on Monday my friend Jazz is coming for a Thai bell pork curry. So my kitchen is in order even if my life is not.

On Tuesday I travel to Cambridge for a very tedious meeting but the main reason for going is to meet my old friend Jayne for dinner; I really should get to Cambridge more often.

So until the next time, goodbye.

I Heard a Voice.