Contrary to what it says at the bottom of this post it is actually 9.05 pm UK time. It has been a hot and humid day. The darkness of night is coming and outside my window black thunder clouds are gathering. A storm to break the heat and clear the air.
Having lived in or around the world of mental illness for 21 years very little shakes or shocks me. I have been through the deaths of so many friends; 9 of those have been to suicide. Some think it is strange that someone like me at the age of 41 has been to so many funerals. But that is part of the territory for the mentally ill.
But yesterday I was shaken. At 10.14 am I had a text from a friend. It announced another death. But this one was a different, it was the tragic death of a child. For once in my life I was completely lost. I thought of leaving work early but decided being busy was a better option.
When I got home at 5.30 pm I cooked then stared blankly at the TV, numbed by circumstance. For a day I felt enveloped by a blackness. But it was not the blackness of depression but that of shock and despair. If there is a God I ask him why?
My despair will pass but the event will forever change the lives of my friends. So my thoughts are with them now.
As I wait for the gathering storm to clear the air I know that tomorrow the sun will rise again. I will see it as will my friends but I doubt they will notice.
I Heard a Voice.
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