The sun is going down on a cold clear winter's day. An eerie fire lights up the horizon. What a 24 hours it has been. My nightly drive in freezing conditions was lit up by a giant yellow half moon. The day after I cannot tell which direction I was going in in my terror of night driving in bad conditions. But it was a comfort to me.
I came home from meeting Beth to find dad had fallen. He was confused but not hurt. I waited two hours for an ambulance. Driving up an hour or so later I was greeted by A&E carnage and dad very ill. They told me he was well enough to go home so I came to get some clothes and drove back. But that was the end of the line. Feeling desperately alone in the chaos my mind thought also of what it must have been for dad. He did not come out last night. I got back to the flat at 4 am.
Now home I am somewhat bewildered as to what to do next. They are arranging carers thank goodness but it doesn't stop my feeling of utter powerlessness.
I refuse to criticise the hard working hospital staff. Nor will I compare it with a war zone as some might, we have medicines and staff and facilities and we are not being bombed. What I saw was heroic and exhausted staff trying to stop the whole thing falling apart.
Relieved to be home but still worried. He is a little better but a long way to go. I'm staggered by the many messages of support I have received.
What I crave more than anything is sleep. I also probably need to get Risperidone inside me. So tired but must remain vigilant.
Until next time.
I Heard a Voice.
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