I have been worrying about today for some time. Why did I agree to sing when my confidence is shot through? The day dawned as the sun was coming up. Yes the sun has appeared after the bitter cold of recent days. I did go back to bed but slept only sporadically. A world of icy treachery awaits anyone going out. Fear pervaded my mind until finally I admitted defeat and got up.
Defeat not just for sleep but also for singing. Maybe it is an excuse. Maybe I never wanted to go in the first place. But discretion can be the better part of valour so I abandoned the idea of London and cancelled. How and when I can come back from this setback only time will tell. Is singing over forever? Is my anxiety as crippling as it feels today? At this stage I do not know the answer to those questions.
So what to do. I did gingerly wander out to see the state of play. Even the busses are struggling today. There was a queue of three of them backed up at the corner. I will leave my car well alone until tomorrow when I will return to work. An unexpectedly extra long weekend.
Hard to believe but this is my 1000th post on my blog since I started back in September 2010. My initial thought was that it might be a way of generating some interest in my book. I have long since given up my books, proud that I wrote them but disappointed how hard it has been to convince people to read them. They did serve their purpose though.
When my broadband finally came back to life last night I picked up an e mail from an academic asking if it is okay to reference my books in an academic paper. How nice is that? There must be something in them after all.
None of this solves what I'm going to do today. I suspect it will merely be staring at the TV and wasting my life away.
Be careful not to fall in the icy conditions, it's not worth breaking bones for the sake of getting on with daily life.
I Heard a Voice.
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