Gently Does It.

Remember those days when my posts often bemoaned the devastating array of nightmares that marked my life when I smoked? Who would have thought smoking could do that? Now more than two and half years on from giving up my nights are in the main much better. But not this weekend. The hours of Sunday morning today brought violent disturbing dreams in waves. Why that should be I do not know but it has as ever left me quite edgy on what should be a relaxing day of culture.

The culture is of course with me. I opened the batting with Puccini and followed up with Mozart. My reading is helping to settle my mind a little. The pork is out and coming up to room temperature. And I'm contemplating a walk after the Mozart has finished.

Thoughts of tomorrow's battles in the world of mental health are however far too prominent for my liking. There was a day oh so long ago when I faced each day with relish. To start with it was just talking to my people, the mad and the mad. Moving on though my loyalties can be tested as I have to look after the individual and the institution. And sometimes those two clash. I don't like getting caught in the middle of other people's battles. But it is ever thus in a hierarchical set up that inevitably underpins most large organisations. That I'm progressing no further where I am now is patently obvious.

And as I approach 50 will there be any chances elsewhere? I don't know the answer to that but I do know that mentally I'm thriving now in a way I haven't done in a long time. Do I know the world of mental health? Out of necessity I do know so much of it. What is new to discover may or may not become clear to me in the coming months and years. Come September I will have spent a decade here. A new member of staff commented on Friday that I was being particularly "jaded and cynical" that day. That I guess is the price I sometimes pay for being so long in a single place.

For now though I will stick with my opera, my books and the fruits of my industrious kitchen. Tomorrow is another day.

I Heard a Voice.