Haydn's La Fedelta Premiata provides the backdrop to tonight's cyber missive. I have a beer open-it is well needed. And I'm tired. We have only had 2 days of this week so far but it has been a long week already. Mainly fallout from other things but feeling very attacked.
I'm holding my own mentally. The tiredness has not overwhelmed me as it did before Christmas. In truth I do not have my energy back from that setback. Mood is pretty good considering but it feels like the storm clouds are gathering. Sometimes I ask myself who puts on the greater expectation? Me? Or everyone else? I'm probably the worst culprit. My supervisor asked me the other day why I drive myself so hard. I'm not sure how to answer to that other than a constant crusade to prove wrong those who tried to tell me my whole life was a delusion. And to do it better than was done to me.
My last appointment with secondary mental health services was in 2008. I doubt I will ever go back but there is still that fear. When will it come back? For I know it will. The question is do I now have the resilience to hold off the madness and fight back? I did it before Christmas. And I will do it again.
That seems far away now but I am ever vigilant. Only 3 more days to go. I have been asked to give a radio interview on Sunday about mental health and suicide. It is to a student rather than a broadcaster but might be another interesting project for me to assist.
I Heard a Voice.
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