What if?

This post is not the one I intended to write today. Nor is it the time when I was going to post. Today marks 24 years since that fateful descent into madness. It was on this day that my life changed irrevocably. And here I am today, amongst the mad and still getting it wrong.

I feel very sad and fragile today. This afternoon I received a phone call that I always dread. One of my students died. For obvious reasons I can't really elaborate on here but I can't help asking myself that awful question what if? This is my 3rd student to die in the last 7 years. It is sadly inevitable that it happens but still I wonder.

I cannot undo what was done or not done. What I have to do now is stop asking that question. For I will never get an answer and will drive myself to anxiety and despair if I persist. On days like today it puts life in perspective. Tomorrow I will awake, get up, drink coffee, then go back into the fray. It is just so sad when this happens. Such young people.

I Heard a Voice.