Words can be so powerful. I try to create images with words in my books. The skill of my job is the use of words. Words can stun a room as they did the day we launched "A Pillar of Impotence" and the day we had mum's funeral. Yesterday I was struck silent-that is rare-by a voice from my past.
The voice is very significant as she knew me before my madness and also knew Rachel. The owner of that voice is someone I have looked for over the years after we lost touch in the mid to late 1990s. Yesterday she found me.
I know I really shouldn't read work e mails when I'm on holiday but I do scan. Yesterday morning I picked up an e mail from a name I didn't recognise entitled "a blast from the past". Intrigued I opened it and there was a message from someone I miss and whose kindness marked the early years of my madness and my poor response to that kindness. The mad aren't always nice, some like I was then are self obsessed.
She has ordered my book and seemed delighted that I am doing what I do, making a mark. But more importantly she said she was glad I was alive. Given how precarious life was in those days they were truly profound and moving words. She too has found her way in life overcoming many years of depression that I singularly failed to understand until madness hit me.
Those days are long gone, the people scattered, changed, and in different orbits to mine now. But it was nice to hear such a whisper from my past, from before and after. I am really glad she got in touch. Bit worried what she might make of the book though-as far as I'm aware no one from those days who knew has read it. Let us hope Rachel does not come searching too; she won't, of that I'm certain.
And to tonight. Work Christmas party. Not been since 2009. Hoping for a good night. For now I listen to "Aida" whilst I should be studying.
I Heard a Voice.
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