Barring the lake and occasional visiting heron next to my office there are few redeeming features to the town in which I work. The real exception though is the original settlement which before the war it was but a village next to a historically significant stately home. That is significant as history tells us that that was where Elizabeth I heard to news of the death of her half sister Mary I and acceded to the throne. I like the old town, is has great feel and some real pubs. Thus it was that after shopping today I spent an hour or so in Horse and Groom drinking Black Sheep ale and reflecting on the last few days. And believe me I needed time to reflect.
The days this week have led me to feel anxiety, rage, despair, and today some mental peace. It has not been easy and the students don't get until this weekend. Rare is the day I make solid plans but those I have made for coming year have been coming apart at the seams. Maybe it my fault, maybe it is a system flaw, maybe it is too complicated. But on this Saturday afternoon I find myself uncertain if I will be able to do my MSc, fearing the onslaught on Monday, and trying to take cheer from the good that did happen on Friday.
Focussing on Friday an extraordinary thing happened and I had sage words from a wise man. Try to think of a good name for a theatre group comprised of people living with mental illness. Can it get any better than "May Contain Nuts"? Yes I met such a theatre company on Friday lunchtime. Not seen them perform but I do hope I can. Sometimes the only way to live with mental illness is to stigmatize oneself. They were great.
Furthermore as they read the notes from the previous meeting 1 asked if it was the same Mark who wrote the book. It was indeed. She raved about it and has also read my blogs for Time to Change. With book sales I always think it is only people humouring me who buy. Yet I had never met this woman and she had come across it. Fame at last?
As for the wise words they came from a man who knows my business inside out. As he put it "you cannot continue to be a one man crisis team forever". He is right and there is a very small chance he can change that. But he not powerful enough. Ultimately a woman I do not know will settle that part of my fate such as it is. But he is right. I have to have change sometime.
The hour in the pub helped and I'm now calm but tired at home making chicken stock and listening to Gilbert and Sullivan. There is lamb, pork, and roast ham on the menu for the next few days. Solace surely will come in my cooking.
I Heard a Voice.
No comments:
Post a Comment