Well, after 6 weeks of being buffeted by the waves of a storm of madness, the ship that is me has finally hit dry land. I am on holiday. It has in truth been carnage and did not stop even up to today. I'm getting too old for this shit. But it still gives me a buzz.
In complete contradiction I remain unhappy and want to leave. The most confusing thing is I have no idea how to fill in my precious mood diary. Yes the one that monitors the slings and arrows of living with a mood disorder.
My good friend Brian is composer. Actually he is not just a composer, he is bordering on genius. He also like so many of my friends has bipolar. He and the blogger Izzi have both tried to explain what they call a mixed state-to be manic and depressed at the same time.
Whilst I do not have diagnosis of bipolar there are more than a few people, Brian and Izzi included, who think that is the best description of my life. I am not worthy to make diagnoses-I don't get paid enough-but given my current confusion I need to think of something.
A 3rd friend Heather, asked me in the week if I was manic-and she knows. Well I am but I'm not, Brian and Izzi's description best fits how I feel. Problem is I have never felt like this before so I don't know what I'm doing. But I have increased my risperidone.
And what of my holiday? I'm off to see dad on Thursday staying down to the following Friday. On Monday I must visit my dying friend in hosptial-there comes death in my life again. That aside though I have a mission for the first few days:
I have the proofs of "Charon's Ferry", time for a final edit. With luck for all you e readers out there you could be able to buy it next week. I will put up the link.
Bye for now.
I Heard a Voice.
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