A Week of Writing.

Greetings from a surprisingly mild Hertfordshire,

All is good in my world. I'm catching up on precious sleep, cooking fine food, listening to excellent music and writing the new book. I have made some really good progress having completed 3 more chapters this week. Very pleased with how it is going and I'm over half way.

But I have not just been doing that. The preparations for Christmas continue. Following an epic shopping trip spending my Christmas bonus on Monday I am almost there. Tomorrow there is the unenviable task of trying to find a parking space to collect my goose. Might even walk down and get a cab back. Also need a ham and have found the excellent Campo Viejo Reserva rioja on offer some must get some of that too.

So what the mad world? Yes I'm away from work but I can rarely get away from madness. On Monday I went to secure unit a few miles from here to talk about recovery and my book. Seemed to go quite well with just a small group to talk to. Let us hope my story helps those who are locked up in some way to move towards managing their madness better. I did it for free but am quite happy to do that if it helps in any way.

Tomorrow the chaos begins then it is back home for a weekend of feasting and cooking-really hope the goose comes out okay!

I Heard a Voice.

A Holiday Triumph.

Well it has finally arrived-I'm on holiday! It is very rare that I run out of steam at work but I did this time and felt I was running on fumes for the last few weeks. But of course I wasn't bored. I have more than 70 people on my books already-a care co-ordinator in a CMHT likely will have 25-30-some of whom are really quite complex. Last year was very tough and full of risk. This year it has been just as complex but less risky-might mean less of my hair falls out this year!

So to the holiday. For the first time ever I have decided to stay at home and do it myself. And I have 3 weeks which I will dedicate to cooking, drinking, and writing. Am about half way through the new book and hoping to make some really good progress over the next 3 weeks. It is coming on well but I have lurking doubts that I can never match the intensity of the first book. But I will keep going.

And the cooking? Well I did a very nice beef rendang yesterday. But little I have ever cooked can surpass the rare roast beef I did for lunch today. It was quite simply sublime! Add to that "Cosi fan Tutti", good rioja and my newly bought bottle of port it has been a fine Sunday indeed.

Continuing the decadent theme I have gone the extra mile this year and ordered half a goose for Christmas. I've never cooked it before and am concerned if I can get it in the oven but am really looking forward to that one. I've invited a couple of friends if they are free but if not I will spend my day alone feasting and drinking to the sound of the Puccini opera my parents bought me. Could there be anything better than that?

I Heard a Voice.

A Stand In.

Greetings from a rather chilly Hertfordshire.

It has been a most interesting week. As I mentioned in my last post my friend Beka came to visit last weekend. Her and Mike took me out for a delicious Sunday lunch at the Waggoners at Ayot Green.

It's not often that I am stunned by news but this was one such occasion. Beka and Mike are planning to get married next year. What I really didn't expect was that she would ask me to give her away! What an amazing offer. Of course I said yes but it was only later that the enormity of it dawned on me.

Beka's dad who very sadly died a few years ago was the pianist Ronald Smith. Hailed as a genius for his ability to play the fiendishly difficult works of Alkan he was an astonishing larger than life character. So how on earth could I possibly stand in? I am good at speeches, am quite happy to wear a morning suit if required but will definitely stop short of dancing-I simply don't do that!

It is a great honour and privilege to stand in for such a distinguished figure and has been on my mind all week. So it has been a good week.

And what of today? A quiet day. Got my hair cut then accidentally bought a couple of things in a sale-that certainly wasn't planned. I'm now cooking some Greek lamb steaks marinaded in dill, olive oil, garlic and lemon-smells good. And tomorrow that old favourite, roast shoulder of pork!

Only two weeks to go then I'm on holiday. It has been a long term so I could do with the rest.

More soon.

I Heard a Voice.

A Domestic God.

For any of you who know me I am, how should I put it, domestically challenged. Yes I work my way around the kitchen with enthusiasm and a little skill. But when it comes to everything else domestic I'm a disaster. My flat is chaos, my desk is chaos and my office is chaos. But at least I know things are there somewhere.

When it comes to cleaning and tidying up I do a little bit at a time with the occasional blitz. I had no plans for a blitz today until I got a text from my friend Beka on Friday saying she will be visiting on Sunday. So I was spurred into action.

Much to my surprise I did the recycling, the rubbish, the hoovering, washed the floors and cleaned the bathroom. I'm amazed! Even more amazing though is I managed to write another chapter in the book as well!

So now it is me time. I have West Ham playing on the TV-they just equalised,- a Vietnamese beef stew on the go-it smells amazing-and I'm doing some blogging. Quite why I'm doing this I'm not sure. October was my highest number of visitors to this site. November has been one of the worst-perhaps everyone is on holiday. Or maybe they are bored of my ramblings. Who knows?

Stew will be ready at 7 pm. Think I might open a beer to go with it. Then look forward to seeing Beka and eating rare roast beef at the Waggoners tomorrow. Talking of Beka she designed the cover of my book. If anyone ever wants a portrait done she is the woman to do it. Check her out on http://www.bekasmith.com/ .

Take care.

I Heard a Voice.

Miserere Mei.

Ever have days where you feel you changed the world? Where something so astonishing happens that you don't know how to respond?

Sounds very grand doesn't it but very occasionally my work allows me to have such days. And today was one of them. I was not expecting it but in my life I always expect the unexpected. I don't know if it is that I am highly skilled, my life experience or that I just got lucky. Who knows? The question is will it work?

I have never been trained to do a single thing in mental health. I have no significant pieces of paper-I do have a joke piece of paper called an NVQ. It is all based on my life. I fell into the abyss of psychosis 21 years ago. 10 years ago with help of brilliant if somewhat junior Doctor I came out. Many others helped along the way but without her I would never have been able to sustain it. What I do is entirely based on the opposite of what was done to me. In the main my experience of mental health services was shit with a capital sh! It was a disaster for 9 years. Then came salvation.

I'm not sure where I go from here and I fear the fallout of today but I came home with feeling of "God I'm good at this"! Then came my come down. There was a great sadness in what I had done however necessary it was.

Which brought me to tonight. I ate a fine curry I cooked last night. Then I switched the lights off and listened to Allegri's Miserere. One of the most powerful pieces of music I know even if the setting we have today is fraudulent. And I was tearful.

I feel better now. Here's to tomorrow and whatever that brings.

I Heard a Voice.

PS I have a new title for my new book-all coming along very well!

Beauty in and Urban Hell.

The town where my university exists is horrible. Run down and chaotic it is a melting pot of people and has areas of extreme poverty. It is not exactly big but feels very urban and ugly. Not the nicest of environments. During the summer I was not happy to discover that for the second time in a year I would be forced to move offices. This time to a site off campus. The folly of that move is plain when one realises I had my 38th visit to campus today since September. There is a plus side, hopefully the exercise will reduce the size of my beer gut.

The new office is just that, an office block. But it does have one redeeming feature, a beautiful if very small lake with a fountain. On the sunny days, and I guess we have been very lucky with those this autumn, it is nice to sit there when I go out for a cigarette. But it has been even better the last two weeks as my calm has been enhanced by a beautiful and large heron that has taken up residence there.

I know nothing about birds but can marvel at such beauty in an otherwise desolate place. I wonder how long it will stay?

As with my last post it has been another tough week. Feeling shattered so very glad it is Friday. My friend Katherine is coming to visit from London tomorrow. Slow roast Moroccan shoulder of lamb is on the menu with two middle Eastern salads. That should be fun.

Take care and have a great weekend.

I Heard a Voice.

A Triumphant Night Followed by a Scary Storm

Greetings,

I seem to have been away from here for ages. Had my highest monthly numbers of viewers ever in October but seems to have quiet again in blogland now. I guess that is the way it goes.

Anyway, what of my life? Well last week we had a most triumphant night with the Kent launch of "A Pillar of Impotence" and my friend Beka's "Stories" exhibition. What an amazing night, so many people came we couldn't fit them all in the room. I had to speak twice and was apparently very good. I can't even remember what I said-the plan went straight out of my head when I got up there. I am hugely endebted to Beka for creating the links with Folkestone Literary Festival.

Sadly all good things come to an end. The following day I discovered my sales figures were very poor. I didn't expect much but it was somewhat disappointing. Unless I misread the e mail-entirely possible-the publisher seems to have completely discounted sales on websites other than their own. Need to chase that as I know it sold out on www.amazon.co.uk 3 times.

Back now in the madness that passes for my work life. I have been very busy but all straight forward until now. Then was engulfed by an unexpected storm on Monday. Things were very touch and go yesterday but we seem to have stabilised the situation now. It's on days like that that if they trebled my salary they still wouldn't be paying me enough. But those are the days I live for-crisis management has been my forte for years.

Tired after all that so now relaxing with the TV and about to open a beer. Have prepared sticky citrus marinaded pork chop in the fridge for tomorrow-it smells divine!

More soon.

I Heard a Voice.