Washed Away in the Rain.

The rain has been pouring down here all day. It is cold, it is dark and it is miserable. The week for me has been washed away in a deluge of exhaustion, stress and worry. I do not know what is wrong with my but since Monday I have felt completely drained of any energy, any motivation and any drive. I've been home all week.

There has occasionally been a venture out into the cold wet world. Today I was out for a while but the return left me empty and tired.

Some good news though that my medication has finally been sorted out. That was an experience I never want to go through again. It made me angry at times but that anger has been assuaged now. It passes into history although no doubt the anxiety will rise next time. I have managed to secure a telephone appointment with my GP in a couple of weeks. Not spoken to him for nearly three years.

As ever when I'm off guilt lurks in my mind. That I'm a fake, a fraud and a bullshitter. That I'm letting my colleagues down. That is probably just me, some have been in touch and wished me well. Not long remains to this term, the university closes two weeks tomorrow.

Given current circumstances I very much doubt I will get to Kent for Christmas. There is no travel there at present and even if a review lowers the tier I really don't think it will be in time to travel. The travel itself is likely to be horrendous, blocked roads and packed trains. I learned today that King's Cross the station through which I travel is closing for Christmas. Not sure on the dates but I'm more or less resigned to spending Christmas on my own.

I doubt I will do much for the rest of today. Better to stay in the warm. If you are out and about please stay safe.

I Heard a Voice.