A solitary dog walker. Unseen voices in the darkness. A stationary car with sidelights on and engine running. An empty bus. The sound of a distant train. That was all I heard and saw on my evening walk. The streets a virtually deserted. Little stirs. And the lockdown continues.
Returning from my evening walk a few minutes ago I'm disturbed that work crowds my mind. It hasn't since all this hit. But a late e mail set off a hitherto unremembered anxiety. Sometimes it take just that.
Cruising along with mood manic, anxiety gone and so much less stress for the past couple of weeks has been wonderful. Yes people are questioning my mood. Is it too high? That brings fear in others but not me. While so much of the world panics at this pandemic I have been serene. Unworried. Glorious. And loving the solitude of empty living. That is all marvellous but the fears of a crash lurk deep in my mind. If I crash now that would be disastrous.
A letter came the other day telling me my next meeting with my psychiatrist will be over the phone. That's fine. What I don't know is about therapy next week. He doesn't do technology. I guess all will become clear nearer the time.
Back in the world that I can control I continue to cook up a storm. Tonight it was pan seared then roasted venison fillet cooked oh so rare with dauphinoise potatoes, green beans and cabbage. A triumph! I did drink rather more Rioja than planned though.
Winding down at the end of the day I will watch Masterchef, have a beer and try not to dwell on how tomorrow will be spoilt. A single e mail. An agenda not of my own. Or in my interest. Even with all my experience and knowledge it can still happen.
Until next time.
I Heard a Voice.
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