I'm always pleased to hear from old friends. Some are regular, some are sporadic and some only occasional. So I was delighted to hear from my friend Elin last weekend when I was down at dad's. The message simply said "are you free next Friday?". I was and after work we arranged to meet initially in The Red Lion before a late switch of venue.
Elin was one of my students. Over the course of a couple of years I taught her some things about living with mental illness. Through her own efforts she overcame the odds and got her degree last year. Back in the autumn she raved about what I had done for her on local radio. It was far more than I deserved. It was what ignited the mania switch after a five year gap and for a few days I soared. I had to hit the brakes but it was brilliant.
On a late sunny afternoon yesterday we met for a beer. I just thought it was one of our rare meetings. Sadly it was not. She is leaving the country. I'm delighted for her but walked away feeling sad. I do not think we will meet again. The nature of my life is that people come for a few years, graduate and leave. Some stay in touch and that is always nice. But eventually they move on.
The transient nature of my life and work is thus. Hard at times. I never settle in a place or relationship. Elin said something wise when we were talking about commitment, "maybe you need to commit to yourself". Perhaps I do but having had my life, career and education trashed by eminent psychiatrists it is very hard to believe in myself except when the mania comes.
On a humid Saturday afternoon Maria Callas has just come on the radio, I have done my housework and shopping and am wondering what to do next. Maybe just be, be at peace.
Later brings monkfish and some wine I think. Tomorrow roast chicken. Enjoy your weekend.
I Heard a Voice.
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