Pickled Fig and Caramelised Goat's Cheese.

The sun show on us as we strolled along the beach this morning. I've escaped for my annual summer holiday to Kent. Dad and I took refreshments at The Waterfront. An E Type Jaguar was parked outside. I know little of cars but I knew that was special. 

Dad is now playing bowls and I have been a man of leisure. Stunning lunch of caramelised goat's cheese with pickled figs and prosciutto with some local English fizz at The Truffle Pig then shopping for the planned roast beef tonight. 

Two years ago today my life changed. A 25 minute interview, a 10 minute break then the call that allowed me to finally escape the university. 

Who could have known the tormented and tumultuous journey that ensued but I don't regret any of it.

Today I'm still standing, still thinking, still making a difference and still just being me.

My journey back from the seaside is sadly tomorrow but I don't have to work until 5th September. 

Enjoy your summer!

I Heard a Voice. 

A Sigh of Relief.

Haydn plays as this Sunday morning slips into Sunday afternoon. You find me home alone. The flat feels tranquil after the high tension of last week. 

Last time I was on here my life was lonely and frightening. Sudden urgent health referrals will unsettle anyone. And I was unsettled. 

On Friday I went into hospital for a procedure that we hoped would bring clarity. The NHS staff were amazing. By 12.50 pm I was home relieved and exhausted. Whilst we still don't know what is wrong with me we do know what it isn't. There is no sign of the feared tumour. 

Uncomfortable though the rest of Friday was, they warned me about abdominal pain, the relief was huge. Mentally the dark clouds that had enveloped me lifted.

So the weekend commenced. My friend Emma and her family have been visiting. Friday we dined on Malaysian food. Yesterday we went to St Albans, lovely Greek lunch, a wander in the market, going around the Abbey and then a couple of beers. 

They are picking me up from home to lunch at The Waggoners before they return to Kent. Roast beef it is.

I only have a week of work until my summer holiday. Well needed. 

I Heard a Voice. 

Alone and Bewildered.

The rains have been coming down most the day. It's cold and miserable. What happened to August?

A couple of weeks short of my 54th birthday my life is once again at a crossroads. I do not know which way to turn. The road is shrouded in fog. The destination unknown. 

My life has stabilised somewhat in recent months. Now turbulence is once again upon me.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with what felt like a constricted throat. I was not in pain. More that I had something stuck in my throat. 

Last Wednesday the symptoms increased and I stayed home. For two days I tried in vain to get a GP appointment. 

Yesterday I saw a GP. Lovely young woman who had just started her rotation at my surgery the day before. 

Within hours and urgent referral to ENT had been made, bloods and chest x ray organised. 

My mind was on fire yesterday. None of my friends were around as they are off camping. I was left alone with my thoughts. 

I feel lonely and bewildered. My mind is not torrential as it was. But I'm hanging in there.

The coming couple of weeks may see the mist parting. I may be fine. I may not be fine. What I do know is that 33 years of mental illness has shown me resilience, strength and a remarkable ability to survive. 

Whatever happens I will take it a day at a time and I will fight.

I Heard a Voice. 

I Thee Wed.

Greetings from the seaside. The air is salty, the gulls are screeching and the sun is trying hard to come out.

I'm in Kent to witness by friend Beth getting married. I've known her since she was 15 and at times we've been really close.

Her journey has not been without pitfalls but after many false dawns, impediment that is part of being human she will be married today. 

I'm actually quite anxious about going. I struggle with social situations, I don't do small talk and find it really hard meeting new people. 

But today is not about me, it's about Beth and Paul. The day I met him was one of the scariest days of my life. Dad nearly died that day. 6 years on though we are all good. 

Sunday lunch with dad tomorrow and then go home. 

I Heard a Voice. 

Praying for Rain.

Not often one sees the Australian Test Cricket Team praying for rain to save the day. But are on the run in the 4th Ashes Test of an epic series. England smashed them all over place yesterday. Today their prayers are answered and no play so far.

You find me on a wet July Saturday indoors with just the radio for company. 

The school year finished yesterday and after the tumultuous last couple of years I'm finally in control. It is incredibly busy but I got a lot done and everyone sees I'm doing well. Even those who have been so negative are praising me.

Sadly I don't get the long school holidays so I'm back in the office on Monday. We have decided to have a team lunch on Tuesday so we're off to The Turkish Kitchen after our meeting. Halal caters for the needs of an inclusive lunch. I for one am really looking forward to it.

So back to today and this weekend I lunched on clams with garlic, white wine and parsley. A Navarin of lamb is on the menu tonight. Roast beef tomorrow. 

Have a great weekend all.

I Heard a Voice  

A Grey July.

During what should be the height of summer with Wimbledon coming to an end it is unseasonably cold. Wet and windy at times too.

My friend Marie has been staying this weekend but the cold and rain have somewhat curtailed our adventures. 

Not the food though. Lunch at The Waggoners, a Khmer pork and pineapple curry were sustaining us yesterday and I'm just about to cook roast rack of lamb. 

Mozart plays and I've been reading. Going to Cambridge last weekend allowed me precious reading time on the train. 

It's been a busy summer of friends and travelling. Kent two weeks ago, Cambridge last week, Marie this week, Beth's wedding in two weeks. Emma will visit in mid August and I travel to the town of my birth to see Annabelle at the end of August. 

With that I'll leave you. Have fun.

I Heard a Voice. 

No Sun at the Seaside.

I've escaped to the seaside! The trains were awful and weather terrible but I made it. Bitterly cold wind, leaden skies and some rain have not put me off though, great to be away.

I lunched on tapas in The Old High Street in Folkestone with Beka and Marie. Marinated anchovies, Padron peppers, meatballs in tomato sauce, garlic prawns, squid and the special of pan fried asparagus wrapped in serrano jamon. Sublime with a couple of beers. 

The sun did actually come out for a while. 

After I bought local honey and organic Dijon mustard. Saw some interesting prints in the Artists' Quarter. Need to buy some pictures for the flat.

Tomorrow I'm cooking rare roast rib of beef with Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, carrots, savoy cabbage and tenderstem broccoli which I will serve with freshly grated horseradish cream, gravy and fine red wine. I'm hosting dad, Beka, Laura and Emma. 

Here until Monday. In a good place mentally, hurrah!

I Heard a Voice.