Alone and Bewildered.

The rains have been coming down most the day. It's cold and miserable. What happened to August?

A couple of weeks short of my 54th birthday my life is once again at a crossroads. I do not know which way to turn. The road is shrouded in fog. The destination unknown. 

My life has stabilised somewhat in recent months. Now turbulence is once again upon me.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with what felt like a constricted throat. I was not in pain. More that I had something stuck in my throat. 

Last Wednesday the symptoms increased and I stayed home. For two days I tried in vain to get a GP appointment. 

Yesterday I saw a GP. Lovely young woman who had just started her rotation at my surgery the day before. 

Within hours and urgent referral to ENT had been made, bloods and chest x ray organised. 

My mind was on fire yesterday. None of my friends were around as they are off camping. I was left alone with my thoughts. 

I feel lonely and bewildered. My mind is not torrential as it was. But I'm hanging in there.

The coming couple of weeks may see the mist parting. I may be fine. I may not be fine. What I do know is that 33 years of mental illness has shown me resilience, strength and a remarkable ability to survive. 

Whatever happens I will take it a day at a time and I will fight.

I Heard a Voice.