A few days have gone by since my last post. Boxing Day was so low and overwhelming I was in the blackest of places.
I'm home now in the warm with Radio 3 and trying to make sense of things. I'm safe and getting by an hour at a time.
People have been so kind reaching out to me but I cannot apply my own advice. I've made a lot mistakes and poor decisions in my life it's a wonder people take my advice. But they do.
Living up to that can be hard. Sometimes people expect too much of me. But I always try to give and to support people in need. Is that out of guilt and shame? Therapy a lot of that in it. But it helped.
This afternoon I will cook roast pork. Mood wise I remain low but the anxiety isn't as bad. Hoping rekindled love for cooking will help. I've not invited anyone round for months. Maybe that can be my CBT experiment. I don't have another session until the 10th. Let's hope I'm on a more even keel then.
I Heard a Voice.
However bad you feel remember there is someone feeling worse and at your worse moments send them white light and take in their pain. The only known way to feel any any better- much love x
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