To say that my mum was confrontational at times is something of an understatement. Hostile and aggressive especially if she thought she was being ripped off. I recall as a child squirming in shops when she went in to complain. The legacy for me has been a lifelong fear and avoidance of confrontation and conflict.
Today I got into a confrontation in John Lewis. I spent my work Christmas bonus voucher on two pairs of Levi's. One pair with in a sale, one was not. What I didn't expect was for such an expensive and hardy pair of jeans to split in just a few weeks. The last couple of days I have avoided the potential confrontation of taking them back. As fate would have it the pair that split were the on sale pair. As I feared they were very happy to help but wanted another £40 for a replacement pair. Despite my fear I stuck to my guns and triumphed with a new pair of jeans.
They made me feel as if I was in the wrong. Like I was trying to steal from them. I rightfully triumphed but have been left with a terrible sense of guilt that I have done something wrong. Sarah has told me many stories about how vile some of the customers in the shop can be. But I'm not like that. I'm not trying to get something for nothing, I just wanted a pair of Levi's.
Back at home I'm wondering what to do with myself. It was a long and tough week that was also confrontational at times. So very glad that week is over. Another week of work then I'm off down to Kent. Still trying to work out what to get dad for his upcoming birthday. I'm sure I will find something.
Tomorrow I have invited friends over for roast pork. When I woke this morning I felt fear and anxiety and wondered why I keep inviting people when what I really need is a day on my own. The thought of cooking sometimes feels daunting but it usually works out in the end.
Enjoy your weekend, more soon.
Mark
No comments:
Post a Comment