A year and a day on from when I moved to this flat the world looks a very different place. On that day snow lay on the ground and we were expecting more. I was terrified out of my wits and had barely eaten for two weeks. I was wracked by self doubt, despair and devastation. My future felt so bleak and I was only warmed by the kindness of my many friends who turned out on that day to help me. I am truly blessed with my friends.
Today the sun shone on the hottest February day on record. My fear is banished. I'm back at work and thriving. The tough days do not send me running for the cover of a darkened room and a comforting duvet. Thoughts of my own destruction are far away. I have a beautiful flat where everything works, an agent who does what needs to be done and home security the likes of which I have not known since I moved to Hertfordshire. And I'm back somewhere close to my best without the mania of October.
Life being thus I have awarded myself an extra opera night. I was away at the weekend with the lovely Jayne. Back in Cambridge where I feel so linked with my life. The sun shone then too. The journey home was not great but I made it.
This evening I cooked stir fried fish with black beans and a trickle of chilli oil, very good. My culinary adventures will continue to play their part in keeping me sane and monitoring where I'm at.
Work is not easy at the moment. Unprecedented demand, people being off and tough complex casework. Had everyone turned up today I would have seen eight people in a day. Can't keep doing that forever. But I will persevere and take each as it comes. I try to remind myself that I am good at this. Such a far cry from a year and a day ago.
I return now to my Handel. Take care out the there and enjoy the early spring sunshine.
I Heard a Voice.
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