Under an inky sky and pale light of a setting sun I left my office at 5 pm yesterday. It had been a busy day. I hadn't known where to start but managed to make some progress. The day was marred by discomfort having woken with abdominal pain but nothing too serious. Not sure what was going on and trying to forget about it the rest of the day progressed as normal.
Fully expecting to feel fine this morning it was not so good that I woke in more discomfort. I called in to cancel the day then went back to bed. I woke three hours later thinking I must be ill. Uncertain if it was worth bothering a doctor I instead elected to stay home in the warm. Now approaching 4 pm there is no change.
Handel plays and I'm content to ride it out. I will cook later but am sticking to the copious amounts of water I've already consumed. Sarah is coming tonight for kefte kebabs. I did text offering to cancel or carry on but as yet no answer. So I while away each hour and wonder what will be.
This unwell interlude is merely trifling. Mentally I feel pretty good after the setback of the end of last week. That I can bounce back from the hard days is a good sign. There will be more to come of course but my armour is not fatally pierced, my resilience of intellect still holds sway most of the time. And I feel I'm doing something useful.
Life without purpose is soul destroying. How to stay depressed is to do nothing. As Shakespeare brilliantly pointed out in King Lear "nothing shall come of nothing". O how foolish I was back then not to seize the opportunities that came my way. But I was kept stuck by my own fear and knowledge that to start to do was to mean a massive cut in income. That was the battle I fought again last winter when defeated by circumstance and burn out I floundered on what my future might be.
A year on illness aside normality is somewhere in my grasp. But I still need to take it a day at a time.
I Heard a Voice.
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